It's Subjective
by court4short
Summary: Bella believes that "Happily Ever After" is subjective, and that life and love isn't always a bed of roses. Can she convince Edward that it is possible for them? What will they gain and lose in the process?


**Written for the Twilighted/TwiCon Fan Fiction Contest, this one-shot addresses Bella and Edward's 100th wedding anniversary and the events that happened in that period of time.**

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**Disclaimer:** _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

_I do not own the Twilight saga, I merely enjoy playing with their inhabitants. -CG_

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A long time ago, I recall my immortal, vampire boyfriend having told me that there was no such thing as "Happily Ever After" ; that a perfect and true sense of happiness was unobtainable. If I remember correctly, I promptly told him that I believed that the idea of "Happily Ever After" was subjective, and to please stop being such a downer. It was, and still is all about how a person views their life and the love that they are lucky enough to have had in it. Experiences in life can make or break you ; and there is no up without a down.

He used to be quite the pessimist, as you can see. Of course, that was about 100 years ago. I would like to think that he has changed his outlook since then. Because, it should be noted that he is no longer the vampire boy to my human girl, but the vampire husband to his vampire wife. Of course, we have had our fair share of trials and tribulations, not just in our marriage, but as a family. Edward and I, we have defined our lives together by the other lives that have entered - some of which have lingered while others have regrettably passed through. We rejoice and mourn for each respectively

My human memories come and go, but I can remember the exact moments, post-transformation, when I truly realized how important each and every one of those lives were to me. Those moments of perfect clarity in which the clouds parted and the sun brushed warmly against my cool cheek - those were the moments when I recognized that my life would not have been what it was without them. Periods of enlightenment come often enough when you are an immortal being, but having a sense of shear, blinding realization? Those are some of the most powerful times of recollection that I have ever had. They have come sporadically, but I can recall them all.

Of all of these memories, Renesmee was the first and the brightest. Fresh from a transformation that I had been desperately aching for, but was not sure was going to happen, I awoke to the realization that I was a mother. Not only that, but I was a mother to a magnificent girl who just happened to possess traits that were not unfamiliar to both Edward and myself. Could a creature like this even be possible? Could she really exist? And most importantly, was she really my child?

Brilliance danced in those familiar brown eyes as she looked at me curiously from a safe distance. Though, the cautious space between the two of us was pointless. The new found thirst I possessed was nothing in comparison to the rapture I immediately had for her ; that amazing and captivating girl that I never thought I would be lucky enough to have. A waterfall of recognizable bronze hair framed her face in ringlets and she had porcelain skin that would have made even the most exquisite doll jealous.

Self-doubt flooded every part of my body, because there was no way that this precious gift could be mine. There was no way that this instantaneous adoration could be possible, was there? But after breaking my gaze away from her I took the reactions of the rest of my family. Rosalie and Esme in particular, while both wistful, held thrilled expressions on their faces. Then of course, there was Alice, who was beaming from ear to ear, ecstatic to be welcoming another female into the family that she could dote upon.

Their reactions made it more real ; they made me believe. I never would have guessed that being a vampire and a mother could have gone hand-in-hand. In that moment, my life up until that very moment flashed before my eyes, and I've been counting my blessings ever since.

I didn't have to wait too long until the next ground-breaking moment in my new life came. The day that Alice and Jasper left was a day that I'll never be able to forget, no matter how hard I try. I took comfort in the fact that it wasn't the worst pain that I had ever felt, even though it proved to be comparable. It was as if a limb I didn't even know that I had, had been ripped off, making life still livable but difficult to manage. I had wanted to find the person who coined the phrase, "you don't know what you've got, until it's gone" and shake their hand. But then again, since we're talking limbs, it might have been a lost hand that inspired the quote.

Aside from Edward and Jacob, Alice had been the best friend a girl-who-knows-about-vampires could have, and Jasper was the serious, older brother that I had always wanted. I had tried picturing a future without the two of them, and it only ended in nonexistent tears and pointless gasps of air. I needed those familiar, pixie arms to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be okay, because she knew it for a fact. I wanted and needed Jasper to send out a wave of calming comfort to keep me from going into hysterics. While it really wasn't the worst pain I'd experienced, I was still the only one in the house that was visibly shaken ; my time as a vampire had not allowed me to properly skill myself at acting unaffected by loss. Certainly, it was a newborn vampire setback.

I remember feeling the need to channel that energy and emotion into something more rewarding. I demanded Edward that he bring me to the familiar, empty field a few miles from the house and pitch a basket full of baseballs to me. There I was, a newborn vampire struggling awkwardly to learn how to control my new found strength, and the sport hadn't even crossed my mind. I will never forget the satisfying release I felt each time I cracked a different baseball pitched by Edward into the horizon of the trees. I could certainly see why they enjoyed it so much. Of course, that distraction only lasted so long, because as the last ball was sent flying my way, the image of Alice's tiny form in her vintage uniform brought me to my knees in the middle of the field. Clumps of grass and dirt easily broke away from the land as I clutched at something, anything, helplessly.

If my heart still had a beat, it would have soared to the moon and back the moment I saw their faces again. Their arrival back home, back with us, confirmed for me that I would never be able to live a content life without them. Alice and Jasper were family, my family and I knew that I would happily travel to the ends of the earth and beyond to keep the two of them safe and with us.

Fifteen years passed until the next moment presented itself. It came in the form of a private ceremony that was closed to the public, and restricted to close family ; family that possessed a deeper and more intimate understanding of the celebration that would be taking place. Held in the ever present immaculately manicured backyard of our old home in Forks, there was a wedding taking place. A single aisle split an assemblage of chairs perfectly down the middle, dividing the groom's family from the bride's. But it wasn't just that ; the aisle signified a line - a treaty - that would finally and officially be dissolved on that day by a couple's love and devotion to one another. Two very different families would come together become one, and my family was going to officially grow. I couldn't have been more excited at the prospect. I always knew that it was the truth, that these people were my family - I hadn't needed paperwork to prove it.

Regardless, Jacob Black, one of my best friends, stood at the end of the aisle in question, beaming in a way that put the cloud-covered sunlight to shame. He looked no different than he had 15 years prior - young and carefree, with a hint of mischief behind his eyes. I watched from my seat in the front as Edward had slowly and purposefully linked his arm through Renesmee's and began to walk her down the passage. Charlie and Sue had sat beside me, their hands linked as they watched as well. My father had certainly become more aware of the details that he'd been so eager to ignore earlier on, but I definitely could not be upset by his knowledge.

By anyone else's standards, I should have been against the affair. But to be perfectly honest, I was thrilled that my daughter would be marrying Jacob. He had proven himself a long time ago that he was worthy of her affections, and I knew that it would only be a matter of time. Edward, on the other hand, had needed a bit more convincing.

"She's too young, and he's so much older than she is," he had argued. I merely raised a dubious eyebrow at him, before quickly reminding him the age I was when he proposed and the age difference we still shared. It shut him up really quick, though I could still see the inner battle he was fighting with himself over whether or not he should just lock Renesmee away in her room for another 10 years. She would have never allowed that to happen though. She was stubborn and determined, just like her mother.

That reasoning, and the fact that since we left Forks Jacob's family and friends began the aging process, helped convince Edward to go forward with the joyous event. Without the threat of vampires around the reserve, the remainder of the pack would no longer need to transform. In result, they would finally begin to accept the laugh lines and stiff joints that aging would bring. Billy as well, was growing older and more tired, leaving a small window of opportunity for the young couple to profess their love and dedication to one another in front of their family and closest friends. Jacob and Renesmee both wanted to be allowed to share their special day with the ones they loved most, and they both knew that waiting another twenty years probably wouldn't have been in their best interest, despite Edward's high hopes.

The smiles on every one's faces was what I remember most clearly, even more so than the awkward moments of timid reconciliation. Though, there were two points I recall with good humor and laughter. Embry had timidly offered Carlisle a piece of wedding cake, forgetting in that moment, that it would be the last thing the fraternal father figure would want to consume. Of course, Carlisle, being the gentle soul that he is, kindly accepted it as Embry smiled in awkward relief and turned away. As soon as Embry had gone to mingle, Carlisle had cringed at the sugary confection and gave it to Seth, the nearest hungry werewolf. I still get the giggles every time I think of it.

Even Rosalie had made an attempt to bridge the gap of distaste between Jacob and herself. Done in her own way, she approached him with a smirk that should have been a dead giveaway, and presented him with an unexpected wedding present. I watched from the sidelines as shock became apparent on his face as he unwrapped the small box and opened it. A barely contained snort escaped as he rolled his eyes and pulled out a large dog collar. Rosalie continued to grin with pleasure, even after pointing at the silver tag.

"Go on, mongrel, read it." she urged, the nickname no longer holding the same loathing and distaste that it once did. With a flip of his finger, Jacob's eyes trailed over the small print on the dog-tag. It read: If lost, please return to Renesmee Black. A wry chuckle passed his lips and he shook his head in amusement.

"Thanks leech." And that was it - I knew that Jacob would forever be a huge part of my life, and I would never have to question that again. My family, both Cullen and Black, weren't going anywhere.

My 55th birthday was nearing, and I found myself back in Forks once again. My life had taken twists and turns and somehow it always led me back to the place that was nearest and dearest to my heart. It was a rare, sunny Spring morning and nearly all of the town had come out for the event. Of course, I stood back away from the crowds as I watched my former classmates with their graying hair and aging features mingle amongst each another. Safely inside of the forest, hidden in the border of the trees, and protected by the shadows, I watched the procession. I had been preparing myself for when the time would come, having already lost Renee. But even so, Edward's hand had rested on my shoulder, just in case I should get the sudden urge to walk forward as Charlie's funeral began.

Around five years after Jacob's and Renesmee's wedding, I found myself at a hospital in Jacksonville beside my mother's bed. The car accident had claimed Phil's life immediately and left Renee hanging on by a thread. The medication combined with the head injury left her vision hazy, allowing me to see her one last time without questions arising regarding my appearance. I had been the next of kin, so when the hospital contacted me I didn't hesitate. I refused to allow my mother to pass away without me telling her goodbye. While she hadn't been a constant presence in my later life like Charlie had been, she was my mother, and I was going to miss her terribly.

But her death was nothing compared to the pain and sorrow I felt while all of my former friends and acquaintances gathered around my father's casket, paying their last respects. I wanted nothing more than to step into the timely sun to touch his hand one last time - to touch his face. Though, I have a feeling that it wouldn't have stopped there. A part of me wanted to crawl into the vessel and travel into the ground with him. We had all known that it was coming when Sue passed away the year before. Her death had left Charlie somewhat lost and dragging. It was only going to be a matter of time.

The sun was irony ; a reflection of what Charlie had been to me in my life. He had been the light that I loved and craved so much, even if it had rarely shown it's face in the town. He was warmth and comfort, supportive and understanding - he was everything I could have asked for in a father. And while I was left to mourn away from the crowd and watching from a distance, I would have my time to properly say goodbye. When the sun set and everyone left, I would sit beside the plot and grieve before leaving a single red tulip in my wake. It would become a time-honored tradition, leaving the single flower by his headstone each year as a token of my love and devotion to him - to the gratitude I held for him for allowing me to live with him and subsequently change my life forever.

I knew that even if I could have changed Charlie, he wouldn't have wanted it that way. He wanted the gray hair and the stiff joints. He wanted the laugh lines that would only grow deeper as he grew older. He wanted the wrinkles of stress brought on by worrying over myself and then Renesmee. Aging and dying didn't frighten him, it didn't bring him unexplainable fear. If anything, Charlie was comforted by the knowledge that he would go before I would. He felt as though his life was full of love and good memories, so dying wouldn't be a scary idea. I wish I had felt the same way at the time of his passing. Even though I had been warned that becoming a vampire wasn't all it seemed to be ; that I would eventually find that all my human family and friends were dead, it still brought a pain that I don't think will ever be easily duplicated.

Now, on the eve of our 100th wedding anniversary, Edward and I are finally bringing up the topic of "Happily Ever After" once more. We both agree that the years we've spent together haven't been perfect to others, but to us they have still allowed us to have our own version of "Happily Ever After". Every person, moment and situation has helped us grow - me as a mother, as a daughter, and as a wife. Life isn't perfect - there are too many tragedies for it to be so. But it can still be beautiful and happy if you let it. I have every intention of making the next 100 years just as happy, but maybe without all of those white horses and princesses.


End file.
